I feel like in 2022 it's much more acceptable to go against the norms and not necessarily feel the need to "celebrate" or "go through the motions" just because that is what is typically accepted and what other people might be doing.
For me, the day I struggle to completely, 100% commit to is Mother's Day. On the one hand, I am a momma to two kiddos and feel that they are my reason for being here and that they were hand-picked by God for me to love. They challenge me. They teach me. They show me what true love means.
On the other hand, brings the fact that I don't have a relationship with my own mom and am going on 5 years of absolutely no contact. This is my choice, but that doesn't make it "better" or "easier". It just makes it what it is.
I actually dread Mother's Day the moment I see the commercials start popping up. It starts off an internal struggle within me of the relationship that doesn't exist while also making me feel like a bad mom because I'm not over joyous for the occasion to celebrate being a mom.
It's not that. It's just complicated.
What I do feel is that simply birthing a baby doesn't make you a mom. I mean, maybe by the rules of the law, but not in real life. Being a mom is the hardest, most complicated, tedious, exhausting, constantly feeling like you're on a Ferris wheel, and full of a lot of unanswered questions and leaving you worried about making mistakes that will change your kid's lives in the worst way possible.
Yet, as a mom, it means you keep showing up. Even when it's hard. Even when it's uncomfortable. Even when it sucks. Even when you don't know the answers. Even when you have no power over the situation. You keep showing up. Over and over and over again. Show up.
I am a much different parent than my mom was to me, and I guess that's what I'm going for as my prayer and hope are to build relationships with my kids that will last long past where ours died. I try to not make it about power or attention. I try to be open and give them both space to express how they are actually feeling and not feel like they need to hide things.
While being a parent does include setting boundaries, making rules that will help them build successful lives, and not always being "liked", it can also be made up of love, leniency, and lots and lots of grace.
As I get older I continue to grow into my role as a mom. It's very much trial and error.
This year I woke up pretty sulky in regards to the day. I woke up before anyone else and immediately started the chores. Took the dogs out. Washed the dishes. Cooked breakfast. There was no "Happy Mother's Day" or anyone bringing me breakfast in bed or being showered with gifts. Feeling a bit frustrated I started to withdraw and then realized that is not who I want to be. It's moments like this I have to really work hard at not letting unhealthy tendencies sink in and then flow out to those I love. I've experienced these. Making others miserable solves nothing.
So I set a goal to go to send messages to some moms who have known me since I was a baby, some moms who were my best friends growing up and are now amazing moms in their own rights, and some moms I have met along the way and that have played a crucial role in my life as examples of what authentic moms look like, moms who are a part of my #momtribe through my kiddos, and some moms who I have worked with and they took me under their wing and taught me way more than how to use a computer program.
Mother's Day, as is any day, can be complicated, and doesn't look the same for everyone. Accept that sometimes relationships don't turn out quite like you would have imagined. Also, look around and see how blessed you are. While it's easy to focus on the one thing that hurts if we widen the lens we begin to see all of the beauty that makes up who we are.
Nobody's story is linear. Everyone has dust under the couch they try their best to hide.
You can read someone's post that tells you to love and call your mom because the one who posted it is coming from a place where they don't have that privilege and they would give anything for one more time. They aren't coming at you. They aren't trying to make you feel guilty for setting your boundaries, they are just being honest where they are.
You can read another post where someone talks about how amazing their mom is, and instead of being mad that your story doesn't read that way, you can acknowledge that they did get one of the good ones and they deserve to be celebrated today. You can also use that as an example of the mom you want to be. I'm working hard on that today.
I haven't read any of the responses to the messages I sent yet. I'm wanting to end my day going through them and soaking up the love and inspiration that I have at my fingertips every single day. I am blessed beyond measure and even if it doesn't look like a Hallmark card, it's my story and God's got a plan.
